WANT TO BE A LIFE-SAVING SUPER-S/HERO?
DESPERATE TO FEEL SMUG ABOUT SAID LIFESAVING?
LIKE TO ACCESSORIZE WITH PRETTY COLORS?
Then do I have a proposition for you: DONATE BLOOD. Seriously. Donating blood turns ordinary folks into life-saving super-s/heroes, it takes as little as a half-hour, and there’s just something so gothalicious about saving lives while watching the red stuff flow.
Vampire lovers of the world, let’s be honest: A human walking toward us with a syringe in their hand and a gleam in their eyes is the closest we will ever really come to the erotic, soul-stealing kiss of a vampire. Grab it while you can. And hey, I have it on good authority that donating blood hurts a lot less than having two humanoid fangs pierce your jugular.
Plus, donating blood also earns you the coolest accessory known to modern civilization: the colored bandage. Let’s take me, for example. I happen to super-duper like pink. (Think, like, eight-year-old, middle-class White girl with a penchant for Barbies.) My phlebotomists hook me up something good. But, oh, it’s not all about the pink, my friends. You dig green? Purple? Sunshine yellow? Houndstooth? Okay, maybe not the last one, but my blood-drawing homies will dress you up all nice and pretty in life-saver chic.
Let’s be honest, though; the very best part of donating blood is the smug feeling of superiority you get from it. Imagine walking back into work on Monday and being all casual when someone asks how you spent your weekend. “Oh, me? I walked the dog, painted my nails. Saved three lives. Oh, and sent out my holiday cards. You?”
It may not be like a Stephenie Meyer novel come to life, but these are real lives you’re saving and real-life smug points you're earning. And besides, what vampire ever offered you an ice cream sandwich and a Dr. Pepper afterward? Booyah!